I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
