Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
