when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
