Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
