hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
