There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
