thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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