You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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