She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
