The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
