how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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