her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
