oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
