Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize