I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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