i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
