so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
