Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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