Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You are a genius and a whore.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
