So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
