I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
i think i just lost a toe
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
