He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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