sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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