I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
