I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
