my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize