you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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