I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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