Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize