fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
