okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
