That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
