I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
