Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
