i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
