woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
