The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
