it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
