Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she woke up with a sticky ear
this beer tastes like vomit already
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
