Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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