Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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