you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
