i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Pants are for mortals
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
