Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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