I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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