There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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