I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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