hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
