We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
