haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
