oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize