I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
