i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
