i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
