He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I want is dick and wine.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
