My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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