I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
