turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
