do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
