Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
