she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
