if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I understand Curling. That high.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
