Plan B is the new Plan A
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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