i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
third nipple confirmed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
