i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize