i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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