she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
