Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
