Say something about gay babies.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
