I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize