omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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