she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
